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It WILL Be Different Next Time.

Written on 08/04/2008 18:12:59 by

We'd just set a date for our wedding and after a visit to my mums i suddenly realise i'd missed a period. it wasnt the first time i was late for a period so i waited and waited until during my lunchbreak at work i decided to take a test to make sure. lo and behold it came up PREGNANT i had mixed feelings. one i was happy two i was worried. i went on the think was i ready to have a baby. i text my fiancee david to tell him. He was shocked, but very happy. we talked about it later at home. my biggest worry was telling my mother. my brother got his girlfriend pregnant the previous year and mum had not been happy. there had been a rushed marriage and everything. i didnt want that. i put off telling her for nearly a week but this want something i could keep hidden so hand in hand david and i went and told her. when it was over the words "bring forward the wedding" came. i said okay even though it wasnt what i wanted.
over the next few months i felt terrible. i needed to run to the loo every five seconds and at work i just stood at the till waiting for it to be time to go home. my boss didnt seem to care i was pregnant and didnt offer me any surport. i was getting stressed out from being told i needed to do more at work and planning a wedding and getting ready for a baby. i wanted to crawl into a hole and forget everything. things turned worse when i ended up in hospital because i was bleeding. it was okay though. but after that i quit my job because i didnt want the stress and neither did david. we cancelled the wedding aswell until after the baby was born. After all that the pregnancy went on like normal puking, constant needing to pee, checkups and the ocasional blood test.
it was september and a few days ago my neice chloe had just celebrated her first birthday. david had recently been in a car accident and was staying home until he recovered enough to go back to work. i was sleeping late and when i woke up it was 10am! i pulled my self up and the second my feet were on the bedroom floor i felt a gush of liquid between my legs and for a second i just stood there unsure. i knew my water had broke but a part of me didnt understand why there was no pain. it was the sound of david downstairs that snapped me out of it and i called him. up he came and when i told him my water had broke he looked at me with what im sure waas the same look i'd had just a moment ago but then he went to get his phone and called the hospital. we went in and after waiting god knows how long we were seen and i was checked over. we were told i wouldnt give birth anytime soon but i was advised to stay for the night. i didnt want to but david convinced me it was the wise idea. just as we were waiting for a bed to be free i started getting pain. yes i was having contractions but we were still told i wouldnt give birth soon. when we were in the ward we kept track of the contractions. eventually though we lost track. i was trying to bear through it but i could stand it. visiting hours were over and david was told he had to go. i didnt want him to leave but he wasnt allowed to stay. i was alone in a hospital in pain and scared. david told me it had been one of the worst things he'd ever done. during the evening i watched tv and was on the phone to david every five seconds. i told the nurses i was in pain and they gave me painkillers that didnt work, i couldnt sleep so they gave me a painkiller, that lasted 3 seconds i had a bath that eased the pain but when i got out i'd feel the same as before. i eventually gave up asking for help and hobbled back to my bed. then surprise surprise i had the urge to push. stupidly i thought i need the loo. when it dawned on me i was actually giving birth i went to the nurses station and told them i was having a baby. the look i was given infuriated me. "She thinks shes having the baby now. yeah right" but when they checked me i heard the word. "oh bloody hell" and i was wheeled to a delivery room. i tried to call david but he'd fallen asleep. the midwife told me that i'd had to get on the bed but i didnt want to have this baby without david. but eventually i climbed on the bed thinking two things, "god this f****** hurts and couldnt they have lowed the bed for me" i was given gas and air but the baby was so close to being born i'd only had one short go of it before there was a tiny baby in my arms. along with the relief of there being no more pain i also felt overjoyed and saddened. overjoyed that i was holding my baby and saddeded that david had missed everything. when david did arrive i was trying to breastfeed. the baby didnt want to know. david was happy and he looked after the baby while i cleaned myself up. i came backa and tried to breastfeed again but Elena, as she was now known, didnt want to take any. six hours and nothing. we paniced and when she took milk from a bottle we felt a collective sigh. but because she wouldnt feed she and i would have to stay in the hospital for a few days. i felt upset because i just wanted to take my baby home with me now but i did what was best for my baby and we stayed. i didnt know what i was doing and felt like i wasnt getting much help. but eventually ellie started feeding. i on the other hand couldnt take the fact i was cooped up. i got frustrated and angry. i couldnt sleep and because i couldnt sleep i was getting emotional. it was after a crying my eyes out to david about how lonely i was and i just wanted to go home that pushed david into telling the nurses that i was upset and after ellie was given the all clear we were told i could go home. i was overjoyed and packed there and then. when we brought elena home i relaxed and after a few days i eventually got the hang of looking after my baby and even though she never did take milk from the breast she did drink from the bottle and now she's six months old, happy and teething.
looking back i wish things had been different but elena is my first baby and hopefully my next child wont be the same. im going to make sure david does not leave my side when i give birth again.

Posted in Labour and Birth

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