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im stronger now

Written on 18/11/2008 18:43:31 by

only six week before lily 2/8/2007 was born my mum died of cancer,she had ,had it for 6 years and had been doing fine,till i found out i was pregnant,but the second round of cemo really too its toll.she got an infection and was gone within 2 weeks,at he same time as all this my dad who had dementure was unwell and in a wheelchair became ill with a chest infection,so as i was giving birth on one ward he was in another.my water broke on a tuesday and was told to go home and come back on the thursday AM; my partner and i were laughing and joking when the heart moniter for baby went nuts,she was distressed so less than an hour later we had our little girl by c,section,the cord was round her neck and she was blue.something wasnt rite the doctors showed her to me and then started testing her for suspected meningitus,we spent a week in hospital lily having antibiotic throught a drip and it turned out to be step B,i wanted my mum so much during that time.when we took lily home i knew i wasnt myself but went on auto pilot just trying to get through each day was a struggle,then in the february came the phone call saying my dad had had a heartattack and was dead,i dont remember crying i just got on with things,lily was the only thing keeping me going at that point.it took its toll on our relatinoship and lilys dad left us in april only 8 weeks after buring my dad.we havent seen him since me or lily,ive been on meds and therapy at the leeds mother and baby unit,i still have very bad days when all i do is cry but im getting stonger all the time.so if your finding thing tough been a new mum or mum again as i have two older children a girl 18 and a boy 13(who through it all have been fantastic) it does get better it just take time.
xxxx karen xxxx

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