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a mummy and lonely

Written on 12/05/2011 11:30:31 by

charlotte-2010

Hello,

I had a very lonely pregnancy and spent the 8months (the 8 I knew I was pregnant) cooped up with interfering family members and never really feeling I was pregnant.
Decisions were being made by other people about my baby- from feeding, to items they wanted her to have to the clothes they wanted her to wear. I felt like I was being a surrogate and at the end my baby would be taken off me.
I don't even remember half the times i was happy when I was pregnant or even at the end whether I even felt like I was pregnant- the only give away was the bump.
I have a partner, we are engaged and have been since the month before I found out I was pregnant, but all the way through my pregnancy I felt like he wasnt there. He was foul to me- on one occassion he had been so vile to me I walked out of the house and 8months pregnant (and having nobody nearby to go to) I sat on a bench at the end of the road and cried, trying to figure out what I had done to make him so nasty to me all the time. The only thing I could think of was the fact I was pregnant and perhaps he wasnt quite ready. He never spoke to me about how he felt or asked how I was and if he had asked me I would have said that I was lonely, sad, fed up and scared.

Things improved when we got our own place together- he spoke to me. He smiled at me and laughed with me. Which he rarely had done for the 8months.
My daughter is 6months old and things havent stayed the same- hes grumpy, he speaks to me at times like im dirt, and when I talk to him about things he raises his voice and it ends up in an argument.

None of my friends kept in contact with me after we left school, and even more so now im a mummy.
I love my baby with all my heart and she is the best thing thats ever happened to me. Out of all the sadness and lonliness in the pregnancy Im glad I went through it as it has taught me to encourage my daughter to express her feelings as she gets older so she never goes through the feelings I did, I have learnt that no matter how bad things get there will always be light at the end of the tunnel- which for me was my baby,

I just wanted everyone to know that either is or have been in my shoes that you can do it. You, if you are expecting, are gonna be a mummy and one day you will realise it was worth going through the 9months to have a little person who brightens up your day every day.
If anyone needs to talk or ask anything if any of this sounds familiar I am always happy to listen as I really could have done with having a pair of ears to listen to me.

Much love and luck with your pregnancies and motherhood
xxx

Posted in Being a Mum

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