Forum : Mums

Hi, I think you have two choices really, either write to him and tell him that if he wants to start seeing the children again that it has to be a regular thing with pre-arranged days for contact, and explain the children will get confused if he keeps popping in and out of their lives. Or tell him that if he wants to see them he will have to go through court and do it properly. Obviously under normal circumstances it would be better if you could keep things out of court and come to arrangements yourself, but if you don't trust him to keep to the arrangements then a court order might be the best way to go - then if he breaks it you have every right to stop further contact for the children's sake.
I'm assuming that if he is going through his mum to ask to see them that you are not communicating which may be a problem.
Re the mortgage that's a separate issue and he shouldn't be using that as leverage for seeing the children so I would get some legal advice on where you stand with that if he stops paying his share - citizens advice should be able to help.
Does he pay child maintenance too? I'm assuming that he's not threatening to stop that?
It's a shame that these things happen, but you are doing the right thing by putting your children first and if he can't be consistent and a proper dad then they are better off without him. I hope that you can come to an agreement though, fingers crossed :-))xx

Hi there, I think you are absolutely right about the childish ti-for-tat behaviour. I know It_s a huge step but personally I think that going through the courts is the best way forward, otherwise you could end up going round in circles with the headache of him and his family for many years to come. (One of my best mates did this for over 4years before going to solicitors, she got threats from the family, and was regularly intimidated over the phone by his sisters.)

Legally he has to contribute financially to the up keep of the kids. It may not even go as far as the courts; a solicitor may be able to sort it.

Your property however is a different matter because he_s using the money as ammunition to control and dictate to you, it_s pure selfishness. And it seems his family are supporting his selfish view instead of telling him to do the right thing.
Good luck with your decision hun.x

hi there, its such a shame to be in this situation. you need to contact their dad direct, to be honest his mother should not be doing his contacting for him. write to him and say you need to discuss regarding them seeing their dad as it is not fair on the children. do what you feel is right by the children because they will thank you in the long run. and in time they will make their own judgements towards him. if he cant be bothered in time they will not want to know him. with regards to the house, its a difficult situation. you need to weigh up your options i.e, selling it, letting him buy you out of it or come to some arrangement with both continuing to pay for it. stay strong for the kiddies, and do what you feel is right. x