Forum : Mums

Hey hunni, best thing you can do is try and leave her settle herself as hard as it must be. I have never gone to of the three mine once they have been put into bed after feed and a change and a cuddle and they have slept through from 5 and 6 weeks! You could try and put something that smells of you in with her in her cot to make her feel more comforted and so she feels as though you are there. Hope you manage to get it sorted. Best of luck. xxx

Congratulations on getting her home!!! :-)))))
I would try a sling for when you want to get things done, so she still feels secure with mummy, especially with her being premature. There are loads of different types now.
My sister in law had a baby swing for her two children and it was brilliant!!! You could probably get a nice one second hand too. I used to put my son in his bouncer with the vibrate on and that helped, he wouldn't sleep in moses basket or cot during the day but would at night, he still sleeps downstairs during the day now at 13 months!
Reflux can be common in premature babies too so if she is uncomfortable lying flat that could be the reason - have a word with your gp or consultant if you think that might be the case.
Hope that things settle down for you soon, remember that your hormones are all over the place and especially with her being in hospital for so long, sometimes you just keep going and going with adrenalin and then when things calm down thats when it can hit you hard. So look after yourself :-))) xxxx

Thank you guys i will give them ago. i have left her for 15mins to see if she would cry herself to sleep as that is what the hospital told me to do but it hasnt worked and as soon as i picked her up she is fast asleep on me. but thanks again for your ideas will give them ago and will let you know if they work

Personally I couldn't leave a baby that young to cry, actually I don't even leave my 13 month old to cry either! Maybe I'm a bit soft but I think especially when they are little they need the comfort of cuddles and knowing you are there :-))xx

I_m glad she is doing well.
I do agree that all babies need closeness and comfort, but i also believe in teaching them to sleep on their own early on. My daughter for the first few nights after she was born would not sleep on her own so my mum told me to roll up some blankets and put them down either side of her in her crib. Babies like the security of being tucked up. It worked immediately and she slept on her own perfectly from them on _ even sleeping through the night at 6 weeks old. I made sure she went down to bed after a feed awake. The other thing you could do is swaddle her as they like that too _ just make sure she doesn_t get too hot.
It_s about balance though. You leaving her to cry wont harm your relationship with her if she gets closeness at every other time, but as i say, i do believe that sleep time is sleep time and it is important to teach them that. I have a friend who by her own admission was far too soft on her little girl, running to her with every whimper and cuddling her to sleep and it has taken her 2 years to get her daughter to sleep on her own and she now wishes she had been a bit firmer and done sleep training when she was younger.
Another friend_s 2nd baby was very clingy, she wouldn_t do anything on her own so my friend bought a sling so she could carry her round and still get jobs done. Unfortunately this backfired for her! She was 6 months old before my friend managed to get her out of that sling and by that point she had just had enough and again, wished she hadn_t started it!
You wont spoil her at such a young age by cuddling her to sleep _ it is about personal choice but for me it is about balance, closeness at all times and teaching her to sleep on her own when you feel ready and not leaving it too late so she learns how to get around you so you_ll give in and cuddle her to sleep. You can give her closeness at sleeptime by rubbing her back and just being there rather than picking her up.
Good luck

Hi pet you must be glad to have her home I used a sling when my last two were tiny it was a godsend pet could still get on with things and look after older kids there not for everyone but they can help. I used shush pat with my last two as well to get them to settle but they were a lot older hun about 3 months I would say at the moment shes far too young to leave to cry, controlled crying shouldnt be done with baby under 6 months and even then you go in every few mins but i dont do it myself as the shush pat worked for me. She might be a bit unsettled pet coming out of hospital too I suppose theres more noise going on there and people coming and going maybe you should make more noise and not be too quiet? :)
Jojo x

Hi hun,
I had this problem with my son who is now 12 months old , he refused to sleep anywhere except on my chest and he too used to cry the second I put him down. It was so difficult and tiring as I have 2 other daughters as well. I couldn't leave my son to cry ... I think it's personal choice whether you choose to do this or not so I carried on cuddling him, the only thing I did change was not pick him up the second he started to whimper and finish doing quickly what I needed to do before picking him up. I think what Buffy suggested about the sling is a really good idea and also made a valid point about the reflux ... I was only told at a later stage by a doctor that my son may possibly have had silent reflux which could've been a reason why he didn't settle.
When my son reached 9-10 months I decided that I needed to get him to go down more and I sat with him and stroked him in his cot until he fell to sleep , he did cry but I carried on soothing him and he soon learnt that this was where he slept. He still however will only stay there for a few hours though and has not slept through the night yet!
I just kept telling myself that they're only babies for such a short time and there will come a point in their life when you can't cuddle them to sleep anymore lol!
I hope you find something that works for you!
Take care
Claire xx

Hi, had a look in my baby whisperer book last night to see if she mentioned anything about prem babies, there was a small section and she advised picking up when they cry and putting down when they are calm - not the pick up put down technique that she uses for older babies though just so they realise that they won't be left to cry but so that parents don't get in the habit of still cuddling them when they don't need it and start to expect it.
Also looked on babycentre they said that as they've been in special care they can have a problem separating day from night so make sure you keep lights bright during the day and normal noise levels, and at night very dim lighting and not much talking (which is what they recommend for all babies anyway).
Learning to self settle can be started from 6-8 weeks onwards, however with a prem baby you need to go by their adjusted age not their actual age, so if your baby is 6 weeks old now but was born 6 weeks early then she is classed as a newborn so you would have to wait till she was 12-14 weeks old to start teaching her to self settle by using shush pat or whatever method you decide to try.
Did the hospital put you in touch with any support groups for mums of premature babies? Had a look online but couldn't see any sites specifically for prem baby advice other than advice for when they are in scbu.
Anyway hope you are all doing ok and I'm sure that things will settle down for you in time, when she's a bit older you'll be able to get into more of a routine.
Take care of yourself too!! :-)))xx

Just asked my friend what she did - she has two little girls, both of them were premature the first was 5 weeks early and the second was almost 11 weeks early. She used to cuddle them to sleep and then put them in the moses basket with either blankets like livi's mummy suggested or t-shirt that she had worn so it had her scent on it, round the edge to make a nest and make them feel more secure. The first few weeks were really hard especially with the youngest as she had a 3 year old to look after as well but around 2-3 months they were both starting to get in a good routine.
What does your little boy think to his little sister? xxx