Forum : Mums

No matter what has happened, he should never of hit you.
Everyone does always say "leave him" but sometimes that is easier said than done as your heart rules your head. If you do feel you are able to talk to him about this, aswell as the issue of why it happened then try to do this, if you do not feel you can talk to him just yet, let your head settle and figgure out what it is you want, for the best for you and your child.
I don not agree with violence no matter what the circumstances are, I do hope you and your partner can sit and talk about this properly and that this will never happen again.
I hope you are ok. xox

Hi, i hope you are okay, i agree with the post above - no matter what has happened he shouldnt have hit you. I wouldnt say leave him because that is entirely your choice but you do need to talk to him about this. If you decide you dont want to be with him, you can stay because there are no friends around - what about your family??
I know an friend of mine stayed after she was hit by her partner & it wasnt even his child (they got together after she was born) but she was so scared of leaving she stayed with him and it happened again & again. Eventually he was locked up for a few months & then moved away thank god.
However if you sit & talk with your partner and decide it is going to work, do it. Just make sure it never happens again. I hope everything works out & that your okay xx

hey hun, really feeling 4 u- no woman should have to deal with such an experience. i dont mean to sound patronising or anything but are you sure your baby is safe first and foremost? and you need to get away from this situation hun, all the love in the world isnt a good enough apology for a man who could do this, even if there are paternity issues- thats no excuse. could you find out about any shelters for women in your area to support you until you can find somewhere?or your mum? thinking of you x x x

hiya i wrote to you on your previous post and im so sorry to read what has happenrd to you,i hope you are ok,i sort of guessed that he would find out about your baby in the future.i dont really know what to write to be honest with you.you need time on your own now so you both can sort your heads out before you try and see what is going to happen between you both.the secret thats been weighing you down for months is out now and i think its for the best as it would of been hard for you to keep it to yourself you would of drove yourself mad and could never of been 100% happy.what ever you do dont blame yourself though for him hitting you because i know that you prob feel really bad and guilty about this but you dont deserve that reaction.if you ever want to email me and chat my email address is jo.mc10@ntlworld.com because i know that you havent got anyone to talk things through with which is a shame because you need support now take care hun and im sorry this has worked out this way for you jo x

Hey i've seen both your posts and really sorry to hear its all coming to a head in such a messy way.

I know him lashing out at you must have scared you and what ever you did you do not deserve to be hit! End of!! However if he has never lashed out at you before like this then he is probably feeling dreadful about what he did! You know in your heart if he is capable of doing it again or if it was just the expression of just some massive news!

I went through a very similar situation and i'm out the other side now. I just want to say i know you wont be able to begin to see the other side but one way or another it will be ok!!! Life has a way of working things out so just keep your chin up!

Sounds like you have a beautful baby and that is already one blessing that is a result of quite a messy situation....who know what else will follow!!

Dont feel guilty its more common that you're know!

no-one should judge you i hate people who judge especially on your last post.with my 1st marriage the same happened,id been married for some yrs and no baby but as my marriage was falling apart i slept with another man and we had a daughter,1 yr on i left my hubby for my lil girls dad not through love but because i felt it was right that she was with her dad(didnt work though and 2yrs later left),i hurt everyone at that time but i look back now and it was my life and still is,theres no need to judge anyone in life as we all have had problems of some sort.sweetie yes you may have done wrong but babs is here now and its not his fault,talk to your hubby,he could still bring him up as his own many many men do,infact how many men actually know really.I have read o your last post some awful lady saying i couldnt do that to my hubby well maybe life has been so good to her she hasnt had to or wanted to,theres millions of reasons why relationships beak down or go wrong and its not all the womans fault so have some heart everyone,and yummibear take care and like mogai says its more common than you think it really is.

just to add my lil girl all those 17yrs ago knows about it all now and has beeen brought up by my now hubby(weve been together ever since) shes the happiest nicest girl out and it hasnt hurt her one jot who her real dad is,shes sees him but shes not that bothered,its who brings you up thats the real dad

hi everyone,thankyou for replying- im so happy to recieve peoples nice supportive comments, ive cried reading them, you are all lovely people. everythings on its head here now, my partner just isnt like this if you know what i mean and i cant hold him fully accountable cos if he had hidden something so huge as i have from him, i would have felt justified in doing the same no matter how wrong it is. i feel on a selfish level really upset that he could do such a thing, and also upset that my mum cant see me till its healed cos she will obsessively worry if she knows. but ive thought about it, and i think i actually feel way worse for my partner than myself- i cant type properly to describe the look on his face, it was the lowest point ive known in my life. hes stayed away so far, not fully away but at work then home to sleep downstairs, i really dnt know what will come of it cos ive tried to ask him and he cant say,if you know what i mean. Its inspiring to hear from people (nettie1234) who have made this kind of situation work eventually, i hope for my poor man that we can too, for now i reckon that comes first and the incident where he hit me can take a back seat for now x x x

hiya, i read your letter and felt i had to reply. i know exactly what you're going through, i was in a violent relationship with my sons dad, i cheated on him 6 wks before i got pregnant, he found out when i was 4 months pregnant n that was the first time he hit me, i was devastated, he wasnt the man i thought he was after that, i lost my peace of mind n trod on egg shells round him, i know i did a terrible thing but i didnt deserve that, nobody does, but at the time, like you, i thought i did n i stayed with him, we was having a baby n i thought it was a one off n he would never hurt me again...but he did, again n again n i let him, no-one can judge you, its so easy for someone on the outside looking in to say "why dont you leave", "why stay with him", my family all knew what was going on but i wouldnt listen to any of them, i loved him n thought i could change him, even after he trashed my bedroom in front of our son age 18 months, after he trashed my flat n i had to go and stay with my brother for a week cos i was too scared to be in my home, after he shoved me to the ground in the street n kicked the crap out of me,again, in front of our son, n it took me 6 yrs to finally realise he never would change, 6 years i wasted on him that i'll never get back, and the whole thing has left my son scarred, he has low self esteem, low confidence, he's aggressive n worst of all he's lost his dad, i dont think he'll ever get over it, its heartbreaking to see n theres not a damn thing i can do about it except try n make his life as happy as possible from now on...its hard! i cant sit here n say to you "leave him", but in my opinion a leopard never changes its spots, when a man hits you n you take em back you give them licence to do it again cos they know they've got away with it, i finally left my sons dad 2 n a half yrs ago n its the best thing i ever did, im now with a fantastic guy who i've just had a little girl with n i'm the happiest i've ever been, there is light at the end of the tunnel, i think the worst thing you can do is avoid eachother and hope the problem will go away, it won't, the longer you leave it the worse it'll get, if you're gonna stay together you need to be able to talk about what happened n find a way to move forward, if i've learnt anything in the last 8 yrs its that communication, trust and peace of mind are the most important things in a relationship, without them there's not much left, you've also got to think about your child in the middle of this, ur partner neeeds to be a good role model for them, someone to look up to, be relied upon, ur childs happiness is one of the most important things here, your not alone, if you want to leave, the police can give the address of a womans refuge you can stay at temporarily until you get housed, they can help you. Ultimately only you can decide what you're going to do, you need to decide whats best for you and your child, i wish you all the luck in the world with this and hope you come to a conclusion that works for all three of you.x

Hi
I am so sorry that this situation was taken out of your hands and someone else blabbed,,,,that was the worry wasn't it ? There is no way any man should hit a woman as you know, however it looks like it was such a shock that he reacted in a way that he would never normally and is guilty beyond belief. What you both have to work out now is, is this a one off incident ? A moment of madness ?? If you both love each other and want to try to make this work then can you both go to counselling and talk this through ? Its usually the norm that once a man hits he continues, but if he has never done this before and is because of such a massive shock because of the news then there may be a slight chance he will never do this again ?? Most importantly you and your baby need to be safe, you can go to a womans refuge, you will be safe there and they will help you so you DO have somewhere to go if you can't go to family. You both need to talk, its the only way forward and suggest counselling as it is the only way for you to move on,,,you need an intermediate to see all sides here, if he isn't willing to do that then there many be no hope. I really do hope it all works out for you, the most important person in this is your baby,,,,you know that !
Keep us informed,,,,,much love !
JO
x