Forum : Mums

Hi Jodie, i would see your doctor to help you all the stuff happening around you at the moment. they may offer some type of councilling just so you can talk to someone.

Sorry to hear about you father, is your partner supporting you about this?

If not i would speak to a friend or someone you can trust to get anothers persons perspective.

But if i was you, i would tell him how it is, you will leave him and take the kids if he doesnt change his ways!

hi jodie sorry to hear about you dad
I think talking to your doctor or health visitor would be a good idea
Being a mum is hard enough without everything else you are going though
i agree with christine tell him how it is and that he needs to sort it out
Hope things get better
Take care xx

Hi Jodie,
I have thought long and hard before posting this message, but from what you have said it sounds like you have totally no support at all and your partner is not taking fatherhood very seriously. Easy to be a father but much, much harder to be a dad!!
Your children will grow up and notice this, which is really not very fair on them, what is so important on the computer that he cannot spend time with them? Nothing. He is obviously not working from what you have said, why?? He should be doing very thing possible to provide for his family?
With regards to all you have on your plate, I do not think you have PND (obv not a doctor), but to me it sounds like he is half your problem. I personally would not have it and you are right, if that is all he is bringing to the relationship, you would be better off without him, dragging you down!
Crying in front of your little ones is not good for them, children pick up on vibes and you need to be stress free and give them the best start in life.
Best of Luck with whatever you do x x

my boyfriend is just the same....when we got together 3 years ago he was working and loved it he loved the fact that he had responsibility.. stuff like his own fone line in his room and paying his way.. then i got pregnant my sisters were all a little pushy to him sayin stuff like its more important for u to work now more then ever and he did till i was 5 months then he changed... all of a sudden he became this lazy person who wasnt botherd that he wasnt working i swear tho i think sum1 stole the man i was with and swapped him for a look a like... now im pregnant with our second child.. and guess what yes hes still not working..altho now he has found an online game that he loves... i asked him to ask his dad to borrow us _20 the otherday to get sum washing powder and sum other stuff and he just sed no... then an hours later when the internet was playing up and he cudnt get on his stupid game he phoned his dad and asked him can he borrow _100 to pay the virgin bill (he sharing internet connection with the neighbour) so he can have his own internet back on.. so i thought hes way out of order and said sumthing... sumhow he still thought he was in the right enough to defend himself OMG its pretty obvious where his prioritys ly.. im origionally from manchester (where all my friends and family are) now im up in birmingham with just the bf to support me... he family just critise me even tho they know what there son does but hes a golden boy... i will never regret having my kids i just regret who with... i wanted kids with the man i met... not the game playing zombie now... i know people are just going to say leave him.. and ur right i know i shud i just dont fancy raising 2 kids alone my family are supportive but last time i moved bk to manchester... not a single person helped me... oh yeah he now has a new excuse not to work coz of the credit crunch... i feel like im a single parent.. and ive had no support thru this pregnancy.. al HE ever says iv heard it all b4 i felt a baby move b4...trustME to fall for 1 of the biggest FOOLS on earth who doesnt appreciate what he has... a gf who has stuk by him thru evrything (even the cheating) a son who loves him to bits and an unborn baby which i can olny hope when i comes along will change things 4 the better.. otherwise it will b a big struggle with a 18 month old and a new born....the other day i talked to him about it about how he doesnt listen to me and how i feel unsupported and all our son sees u do is playing games... i had a long conversation (just me talking tho) about how he never listens he did defend himself sayin he does listen he doesnt just pretend to ( this was while he was on his stupid game) i thought id see so i carried on talking for like 5 more minuets.. and then i sed to him what did i just say.... and what did he do laugh and say i dont know... i felt like dropping to the ground and giving up on him...i felt like screaming tears...babys awake gotta go..xxx

You poor girls.
I really don't know what to say. Maybe you 2 should get together and become lesbians(joke), you'd be far better off with each other than men like you have got.
The thing is MEN DON'T REALISE WHAT THE HAVE UNTIL IT'S GONE.
My ex was like that and i left him after 6 years,i'm now with Craig who is a first time dad to Finley my 2nd son and he took my 8 yr old Jonathan on as his own aswell. He is fantastic and would do anything for any of us,he works all hours god sends to support us,and he WONT work weekend cos thats FAMILY time.
I think you need to tell him straight, give him an ultimateum- He has a week to sort himself out or your leaving and taking the kids with you.See how he reacts to that.
If you and kids mean that much to him he will sort himself out.xxxx

i fetl very depressed after having my twins and also started to hate my partner ....... id bust in to tears for nothing and we was deffo driffintg apart i went to see my gp and just talking to her took a masive weight of my shoulders just talking to someone who has no connection with u or ur family cand give a complete diffrent out look !!!!!!!!

Some of these men really do want sacking, don't they?! Perhaps they don't realise that merely donating the sperm doesn't end their commitment to a child and their relationship! I think we let ourselves down as partners and mums by not putting our foot down early enough. Our men do something crap and we think "oh, that was a one-off - they won't do it again/they'll be more reliable next time/they'll change". HA! Tell them straight, tell them firmly, tell them the first time, and be consistent. In fact, treat them like a toddler...

Hi Jodie, you have got alot to deal with. Your partner is clearly neglecting his responsibilities. It is not acceptable for any parent to do this. And remember that we invite people to treat us the way they do.

And the the Manchester/ birmingham lass, it sounds to me like you are a single mother! Why prop him up & make things easy for him. Tell him to shape up or ship out!!

If a mother doesn't take her parental role seriously she is openly mocked by society. Dads should be no exception. Men can become so selfish...You need to get tough or they will wipe the floor with you!! X

I couldn't agree more with you, he seems a complete [censored] and you could do better. PND I am suffering at the moment and it was my doctor who picked up on it. definately go and speak to your gp, having a baby 6 mths ago and a 3 year old is hard enough but with no support and your dad not being well, how your coping this well is very good. try to think positive and get yourself some help. I have a 7mth old and 3 year old so I understand the strain. it sounds to me like you have a 3rd child though. if talking to him doesnt work i would really think about moving on. i probably sound harsh but knowing the feeling of pnd and no support i can only tell you what i think will help.

Good luck, feel free to message me if need to chat, i hope ive helped.

WHAT A COMPLETE ASS HE IS!
To put it POLITELY!
Not sure of yr situation, menaing if it is possible for you to leave him, or even him to be forced out of the family home!
But God I thought my hubby was BAD.
If he was as bad as yrs I'd chuck the computer out of the window (and I have done that b4,lol).
The thing is I don't think U should put it all down to yr PND. I think given yr situation most of us would be feeling the same.
He's no good for you, not with his SELFISH behaviour.
For yr own sanity you need to seriously consider splitting with him.
Your kids deserve a happy mum, and I can't see u being happy if u stick it out with him.
TELL HIM THAT TOO, see what he thinks!