Forum : Mums

Hi Natalie, have you seen your gp yet about pnd? I haven't had pnd but I've suffered 'normal' depression for years, it can be really tough for the people around you as well as for yourself. I think if people haven't suffered from depression themselves that they don't really get it! So he's probably struggling with the concept and doesn't know how to act around you for fear of upsetting you, when really all he needs to do is be normal and be there for you, and keep talking to you.
With regards to him not wanting you to help when he comes in from work and takes over, that's quite a good thing - maybe he just wants that one to one time with his little girl that he is missing during the day.
My hubby works 12 hour shifts so I am on my own with my son for 13 hours or more so know how you feel, and it can be so hard, especially when you are feeling low and isolated. Do you have any friends or family members that come round to help you out? Take as much help as you can - even if its only to have half an hour to yourself to have a bath or go to the shops or put your face on!
I think you should sit him down and have a real proper talk to him and let him know exactly how you are feeling and ask him to be completely honest with you, then if there are any issues there you can begin to work on them together.
Its easy to blow things out of proportion when you are depressed though - I would feel like the slightest thing was the end of the world when I was at my lowest and sometimes you just don't think rationally at all because of how you are feeling, and how negative you are feeling.
It can be a long road with depression but you will come through it, just get as much help and support as you can and if you haven't seen the gp yet make the appointment, if you ever need to talk then please feel free to message me!
All the best xxx

Hi thanks for replying I have seen my gp and I'm on anti depressants. Noone has actually said it's pnd but when I was younger around 13-18 I went through a really bad time in my life and looking back think I was depressed then too but had no one to turn to. I know that Jamie (the other half lol) will find it difficult but acting like I'm going to flip out at any moment doesn't help and I see the point about him wanting time but if she needs a bottle making up it's not easy to do while holding her so I offer in situations like that and get told no I'm fine. As I said previously due to bullying and bad circumstances personally I don't have any friends and as for family my older sisters work and live down south, the younger is in uni and my parents are disabled so they don't help and his family all work and live in wales so no help there I'm afraid. I've tried to talk to him but I just get greeted with silence yesterday I was so upset I thought about leaving and told him so and got no reaction at all, afterwards I apologised and explained I was just upset etc but the fact there was no reaction hurt it felt like he didn't care anymore. I used to always be able to talk everything through with him and we'd always be there for each other but right now I feel as if he's given up on us and wants out. I know people say having children can break a relationship I just always thought ours was stronger than this xx

Oh dear, the only thing you can do is to keep trying to talk to him. Having kids puts a huge strain on even the most solid relationship, my hubby and I both had children from previous relationships so we knew what to expect lol, there are financial pressures, no time for each other, too tired to be intimate, arguing over how to do things lol and its really hard - we bicker about the most stupid little things these days!
I do hope that you can get him to open up and tell you how he is feeling - maybe he's not talking for your sake although its not helping you quite the opposite! I would think that he just doesn't want to upset you by telling you that he's finding it hard, but maybe he needs some reassurance himself that we all find it hard after having children and that despite how you are feeling you still love him and want to be with him and that things will improve in time. If you have nobody to help out then maybe just spending quality time together when your daughter is in bed and making the effort to be affectionate with each other, I found that I was giving my son so many cuddles and kisses I was forgetting to be affectionate to my hubby sometimes! Its sometimes the last thing you feel like when you are depressed but if you can get that closeness back a bit then maybe he will open up a bit more easily. I really hope you can work things out xxx