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OtherFor all the real woman out there...
when i was 13 i was diagnosed with anarexia nervosa and bulemia. when i was 15 i 'beat' it. obviously its a life long struggle but iv never ever relapsed.
in fact since having my oldest daughter iv never felt more copnifednt and comfortable with my body. my youngest is 7 weeks old. with my second pregnancy i put on 3 stone and got stretch marks, but i didnt care i was proud of my stretch marks and didnt even mind that i was heavier than id ever been. until someone made a calous inconsiderate remark. something that meant nothing to her because she is a size 6 and never had children. someone called me fat.
this one tiny stupid word made me feel so small and pathetic it made me hate myself and undid all my hard work fromthe last 9 years in one second flat. and i dont even think she realised what an impact her little remark had.
i got hold of 2 different fat burners and some laxatives and i seriously cut down on what i was eating. i lost 1 1/2 stone. until monday this week where i actually stopped eating completely. i was surviving on coffee.
on the tuesday even i didnt eat dinner again and my partner confronted me. which ended in my having a massive anxiety attack.
i literally thought i was losing my mind but ididnt want to tell anyone how i felt in case they took my fat burners away...
on tuesday even i had a moment of sanity and admitted everything to my OH and begged him to throw my tablets away. hes taken a few days off work and has been making me eat again
now my mouth is covered in ulcers, iv got a terrible throat infection and my tummy is hurting from starting to eat again.
i thought i had it under control and i cud stop anytime i liked, it wasnt until i was lying inthe bath considering running my razoer along my wrist i knew i needed help. i cudnt face falling back into a dark place when i might not make it out this time. i cudnt lose my babies and my husband.
the stupid thing is i would rather have my life and my body than that of the stupid little girl who called me fat. i never ever ussually care what people think of me but some how this comment manage to get into my head.
i am writing this post so that if there is anyone else out there who is suffering with any kind of depression or anxiety PLEASE TELL SOMEONE it is so important to get help before it gets out of hand noone will judge you.
Real woman have cellulite, stretch marks, love handles, wobbly boobs...REAL WOMAN ARE BEAUTIFUL
Thoughtless people dont realise how much they can hurt someone. Well done you for being strong enough to fight it. Lots of love n hugs
Thank you i thought if this episode helps just one person then itl be worth it
You should be really proud of yourself. I cant pretend to know how hard it is but I can imagine its not at all easy. And for you too try and help someone else whilst your dealing with it yourself and a little baby too is amazing and never let anyone tell you different. X
massive hugs huni dont let any one tell you what you look like something you are not and well done on beating this horrible illness for a second time lets hope that you have no more relapses and that anyone else reading your story with the same problem takes heed and gets the help they need
xxxx
thank you both so much im not going to lie writing this on here iv been terrified of what people would say iv felt very very stupid and ashamed like mums shudnt have breaks downs we always expect to keep it together dont we? but ur reactions have made me fel alot better! :) there may be stupid inconsiderate people int he world but luckily i think there are more caring people in the world! so thank u x
Hi Candice, I'm so sorry that stupid girl sparked off a relapse, but you've done amazingly well to tell your hubby and he sounds like he's giving you great support. Have you thought about telling your gp and getting some professional support too? I think it would help. I've not had an eating disorder myself but had a drink problem after I lost my daughter and I'm very aware that it would be so easy to slip back there, the slightest stress and the first thing I think of is alcohol but like you I beat it and don't want to go back there again. Well done you but don't forget, ask for help if you need it xxx
You poor poor thing, it sounds as if you have been through hell and back and what some people think as an innocent comment can make lasting impressions on others. You sound as if you have been so brave through it all and admitting it in the first place was the biggest step you could have taken. To me you are a brave woman and I wish you every success and happiness in the future. x
thank u all so much for ur kind words iv spoken to my hv and seeing my gp today im telling ppl so i cant hide it x
but i feel so much better now x
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Posted on 02/02/2012 21:22:37