Forum : Mums

i think all you can do is be there for her. when my friends baby was born asleep, i just let her know that i was there to help, to listen. and to be her friend. it is difficult to know what to say. give her a big hug and ask if she wants to talk. if she doesnt then dont push her to talk. but if she does put the kettle on sit down and listen. i was 3 months pregnant when my mate lost her baby so it was extreamily difficult to know what to say as she was full term when her baby died. she had alrady decorated her nursery and brought all the things ready. she still come round now and sees my little girl and yes she gets upset but that is to be expected. i cant change that. but i can be a friend and understand what she is going through without it actually having it happen to me. im not saying i know how she feels because i cant imagine that heart ache or pain she and your friend feels. but i cant try and understand and so can you. hope this helps x

my mum was pregnant with my sister she was due a month before me when my first was born sleeping i found being kept involved with my mums pregnancy and obviously getting pregnant again really helped. if she needs someone to talk to sit and listen to try and help keep her mind away from thinking if i did this differently or if i didn't do that. coz she did nothing to make it happen sometime it is just ment to be and i don't want that to sound nasty. i hope she feels better about it soon but give her time to grieve

Thanks ladies your comments are really hepful I just want to cuddle all her pain away.

I lost a baby in the same way as your friend. Went for 21 week scan and found out baby had died 3 weeks earlier. Very sad time. I found it helpful to talk about it, and still do. (It happened over a year ago and now I have an 8 week old healthy baby boy.) My hospital chaplain performed a service and burial every fortnight for all the lost babies. My hubby and I found that really good and I am glad that I know where my baby is. If your friends hospital offers a similar service I would reccommend it, but everyone copes with things differently.
I was sad about my baby but wasn't jealous or sad about other peoples healthy babies or pregnancies. I wanted my baby not anyone elses, so don't worry about your 5 month old upsetting your friend. I wouldn't wish losing a baby on an enemy let alone a friend or relation! I have been more protective of pregnant friends since as I worry more about every pregnancy and the next time I was pregnant I didn't let myself get excited until I'd passed the 20 week point and I knew everything was ok.
I had a lot of support from friends and family so just be there for your friend. Please don't avoid seeing or phoning her if you feel awkward just go and tell her you don't know what to say or do but you're there for her. Also don't avoid the subject, when I returned to work most people said "How are you?" and I would have prefered if they said "I'm sorry to hear about your loss." or something like that. I was left wondering if they even knew what had happened. Telling people that it had happened was the hardest thing to do, so if you can relieve your friend of this burden and phone or email people for her she might appreciate that.
I hope this helps and send love to you and your friend. Best wishes.
Ruth.

god luv her its a hard thing to go thru. i had my 20 wk scan an everything seemed ok.but 2 wks later i couldnt feel my baby movin an when i went 4 a scan my baby had died 2.i had 2 go thru a very paunful induction oo 1st june 2006 an i had a baby girl who was tiny an perfect.people dont know wat 2 say they try 2 help. but all i wanted 2 do was talk about her. i got comments 2 tht it was prob 4 the best. i could have really punched those people. my advice wud be just be there 4 ur friends if they need 2 talk, an a hug always helps 2.they mite just want 2 cry but just hold there hand. give them a big hug from me an it does get easier but u never ever 4get.

god luv her its a hard thing to go thru. i had my 20 wk scan an everything seemed ok.but 2 wks later i couldnt feel my baby movin an when i went 4 a scan my baby had died 2.i had 2 go thru a very paunful induction oo 1st june 2006 an i had a baby girl who was tiny an perfect.people dont know wat 2 say they try 2 help. but all i wanted 2 do was talk about her. i got comments 2 tht it was prob 4 the best. i could have really punched those people. my advice wud be just be there 4 ur friends if they need 2 talk, an a hug always helps 2.they mite just want 2 cry but just hold there hand. give them a big hug from me an it does get easier but u never ever 4get.

god luv her its a hard thing to go thru. i had my 20 wk scan an everything seemed ok.but 2 wks later i couldnt feel my baby movin an when i went 4 a scan my baby had died 2.i had 2 go thru a very paunful induction oo 1st june 2006 an i had a baby girl who was tiny an perfect.people dont know wat 2 say they try 2 help. but all i wanted 2 do was talk about her. i got comments 2 tht it was prob 4 the best. i could have really punched those people. my advice wud be just be there 4 ur friends if they need 2 talk, an a hug always helps 2.they mite just want 2 cry but just hold there hand. give them a big hug from me an it does get easier but u never ever 4get.

god luv her its a hard thing to go thru. i had my 20 wk scan an everything seemed ok.but 2 wks later i couldnt feel my baby movin an when i went 4 a scan my baby had died 2.i had 2 go thru a very paunful induction oo 1st june 2006 an i had a baby girl who was tiny an perfect.people dont know wat 2 say they try 2 help. but all i wanted 2 do was talk about her. i got comments 2 tht it was prob 4 the best. i could have really punched those people. my advice wud be just be there 4 ur friends if they need 2 talk, an a hug always helps 2.they mite just want 2 cry but just hold there hand. give them a big hug from me an it does get easier but u never ever 4get.

sorry im getting used 2 computer an thts in 3times

i know how you are feeling i went for my 20week scan and found out my son had spine bifita 2 weeks later i went for a check up and found out he had gone to sleep forever and i gave birth to him