Forum : Mums

This sounds a strange situation, can you sit down & tell him exactly how your feeling? i know its not easy, especially if he's not willing to listen, or change but he cant honestly think everything is your fault!! your the mother of his daughter, and at 10mths of course the house is going to look trashed because anything they know they're not allowed, they go straight for.. just tell him its hard enough to look after your daughter & do your best with housework & going back to work but if he wants to know exactly how you feel, to swap for a week & see how much he appreciates you then.
if he doesnt listen, is there anywhere u could stay for a few days & see how much he really does need you? he'll definately appreciate you then!!! xx

hi hun, that sounds like an upsetting and bad situation. And well done for having your part time job, my daughter is 11 months, my partner works full time and im desperately seeking a p/t job now. explain to him that either he shuts up moaning and some things (which aren't even urgent) won't get cleaned every second of every day, as you are his partner and mother of his child not a cleaner to be spoken to like dirt and made to feel inadequate.
I don't mean have a row with him, just try to explain that it's all part of the process of things being upside down until your daughter gets a little bigger. Living together is a team effort in a relationship, if he doesn't want to help clean he shouldn't help make the mess!! i've had to tell all of this to my own partner, he acts as if his office job is harder than me rearing our baby but it so isn't! he has his clothes washed and tea ready every night, plus i do his dinners, and maintain EVERYTHING in the house, and we deserve respect for that!
I don't do any ironing except for his work clothes now cos i have the same problem as you (our 2 bed terraced house is TINY) so he has to just live with that, i have more important things to do like enjoy Millie as she's growing and playing.
Your partner sounds very unreasonable about it, as you didnt even insist on living with him or anything. Could there be anything else that is getting him down?maybe you could ask and see if hes upset about something which is making him feel like being horrible. And explain that you must have safety gates on the stairs, as he would regret not sorting it if your lo got hurt on the stairs. Maybe you could buy a cheap playpen just to use for when you need to be on with things and know your baby's safe?explain that to him, and hopefully he will come around to it.After all, she wont be a baby forever,in fact for a very short time! Good luck hun, keep us posted and dont take any s**t, you sound like a hardworking lovely person and hopefully it will all improve with him soon x x x x x oh and my emails laura_and_milmo@hotmail.com if you fancy a chat any time x x

i think you defo need to tell him how his behaviour is affecting you and both of the children and i agree that some time apart would be good for both of you. men are wierd creatures lol i think hes scared that his enviroment and his routine is changing but hey this happens when your family has an addition of a baby!! if you cant talk to him write him a letter explain that you love him but his behavour makes you feel like an outcast in your own home and he should really be looking at upgrading to a bigger house. hope this helps x

HI hun, it's a house with a baby in it what does he expect!!!, sit him down and talk to him, maybe it will help naybe not, but at least you've tried!! your doing really well, so don't let him get you down, perhaps if you look in some charity shops or a a local car boot sale you could get a playpen or stairgate then, it you explain to him that not only does it keep her safe it keeps her away from things she could touch that he doesn't want ect, hope this helps and let us know how you get on, were always here if you need a chat Take care Sarah xxx

aww hun i feel for you, like the others say you have to sit down and talk to him
othrwise it will continue, you dont need that cr*p everyday you are doing the best job ever
raising your baby. do you think deep down he wants to be the one staying at home maybe a tester would do him good to see how demanding life can be running a house and caring for a baby they are 24/7 job in themselves. well done you for all you have acheived in the last 10 months.your house needs to be safe for your baby
and he also needs to realise it is no longer just his home its your family home.
talk to him hun its the only way. stay strong! hugs xxx

yes give me his P45. my place is a mess too. husband doesnt liftn a finger to help

i feel so much better just reading your replies, thank you all so much. you really do start to question yourself when someone keeps on at you all the time. i am going to try and talk to him later, i just gave him the silent treatment last night and i think he knows he's really upset me. and if he carries on the way he is, well i'll just have to think long and hard about whether to stay or go. and that's a very good point about it being our family home now, i'll point that one out to him when i talk to him. thank you all again. x x x x x

Good luck hun, were rooting for you xxxx

Good luck, the hardest part is saying you have something on your mind and need to have a talk. After you start .... it'll be hard to hold back. Be brave and say it how it is, he may not even have a clue that you are upset and feel like this - tell him EXACTLY how you are feeling and I wish you all the luck in the world. I'm just about to enter into something similar, so keep us posted and again ... be brave K x

well we finally had a proper talk on thursday night, i told him exactly how i was feeling and he agreed that maybe he had gone too far sometimes and has taken on board the fact that life and the house is going to be a bit upside-down with a baby in the house. as we've got his 14 year old son with us as well we've decided to have a rota for making food, chores etc as it's not unreasonable to expect the teenager to pull his weight a bit more now and hopefully it'll take some of the pressure off both of us. there were also things i was taking for granted such as he walks through the door and i just thrust the baby's dinner in front of him, he said he didnt mind feeding her but it was just the way i went about it. i hadn't even realised i was doing it!!

and guess what, he finally put a safety gate up for me today, it's from the kitchen to the living area so i can get on with things in the kitchen and watch my little girl playing safely. we saw some play pens on offer in the next town to ours and are going to have a look this week or next weekend and he's promised to put another safety gate on the stairs for me so she can wander around upstairs when i've got stuff to do up there.

we'll see how things go on from here, i don't expect it to be plain sailing cuz these things never are (especially trying to get a lazy teenager to wash the dishes and keep their room clean!!) but finally getting things into the open takes a huge amount of the weight away doesnt it.

i'm so grateful to you all - as i said before you made me feel so much better. how did you get on KirstenJMM, hope it all went well for you too?? x x x x