Forum : Mums

Worried-dad

Hi,

Well, where to begin? I was in a relationship with someone for almost 3 years, we split up a few times and had our ups and downs, but we always got back together...i always did because i love her. A few months ago she called me up after we had been split up for about 2 weeks and told me she was pregnant! 3 days later we went for a scan and found out she was 9 weeks and 5 days pregnant, we decided to give the relationship another go. 2 days after that she put a deposit down on a bigger house to rent and a few days later we were back to arguing, etc - all the reasons we split up in the first place! I then remembered that about 2-3 days after the date she became pregnant we split up and a week later she slept with someone else (i know this as we got back together about a month after we had split up that time and i asked her if she had slept with anyone else and she told me yes and what happened!) now we had been having unprotected sex for long over a year and she never got pregnant, she said she made this guy wear a condom, but the dates are so close as the 9weeks and 5 days was about 9 days before she slept with this other person!
I realised how close it was and there was a possibilty it may not be mine and i freaked! she was trying to reassure me by saying she knew it was mine as she could feel it, but i knew that there was the possibility it may not be! it was really playing on my mind, we spoke about it and i told her that i felt under a lot of pressure as if the child wasn't mine when it is born it would be a real head mess for us both! I'm not ready for a child, but i told her that if she was to go ahead with it i would man up and take on my responsibility. As i was scared the baby wouldn't be mine i told her i didn't love her anyomre, but i would still be her friend and do what i could to help! i am in uni full=time so finances are low and she said that i should be giving her money, but i disagreed as we were not together and the baby is not born so why should i! we had an argument because i borrowed her a lot of money and said that i really needed _200 of it back but she let me down and said i couldn't have it! since then she ignores me, wont meet or speak to me, won't let me know anything that's going on and has said i cannot go to the 20week scan and that she doesn't want to see me until the baby is born and then she will call me!
It's killing me as i do love her....loads, but given the circumstances i didn't know what else to do!?!? i feel alienated from everything, i feel like any of her friends she has told god knows what to must think i'm a horrible person for not being there, and i'm afraid that if the baby is mine it won't feel connected to me as i haven't been there and im worried that i may end up hating the baby as the more she ignores me the more hatred i have for her as i really want to be involved just not in a relationship just incase the baby isn't mine!
I probably need councelling, but i don't have the time at the mo so i thought i should post something on here.............can anyone give me some advice please as i have told everyone i know that the baby is mine as it took me a while to realise she had slept with someone else as the whole thing was just rushed - being told, scan and house all in less than a week!!!!!!
Am i a bad person for saying i didn't love her? even though i do? i just feel so terrible and i'm worried about all the things i've just said and not being involved!

Thanks for the time anyone spends reading this.