Forum : 2010

right lol just took me ages 2 read that!!!wot u need 2 do is tell your boyfriend he either pulls his weight or its over. at the end of the day all that matters is your baby girl if hes making u miserable and not even working to support u both or even pull his weight at home then give him an ultimatum. i have a 2yr old n am 37weeks pregnant with my 2nd now n i couldnt do it without the help so dunno how u r coping. your not alone i was worried bout takin my lil boy 2 nursery but once they are there they love it n they make friends n learn so much! if i was u i would get your daughter in nursery and look into getting back into work it will make u feel much better makin new friends and havin money and tax credits will pay for the nursery fees. this way ur fella wud have 2 get a job 2 cos he cant jus sit at home while u work!! n if he does get rid of him!! no decent bloke wud sit at home and not support his family but wot makes it worse is that hes not even helpin u while hes at home! i no its hard cos u ;love him but just make sure ur happy x

I went through this not so long ago. I know how you feel hun. I suffer from anxiety (which sounds like you do to) all the nursery stuff etc...leaving her with him bla bla...its anxiety. I thought I had PND, but was actually diagnosed with a Reactional disorder. I went for therapy and everything. my partner was the same and would stay in bed till 2/3 in the afternoon, get up and have his food then watch tele and it was like he was not bothered. I did everything for our daughter.
It finally reached the point when I couldnt take it anymroe. my daughter was 20 months old and I told him to pack his bags! You will have to do this if he doesnt start to co-operate soon. Try making him care for his daughter. Tell him he needs to feed her as your going to put some washing in or somwthing. Hand him her food and see what he does.
Most likely he feels through the PND that hes been phased out of your 'love life' and its all about you and the baby.
Shock him. Tell him your not putting up with his ways anymore. it works, and it will work for you, if he loves you deep down. I told my partner he had to find somewhere to live (funny he went bk to his moms), start being a dad and make up for all the lost time, then I will ocnsider him being part of my life again. It took him 4 days to really think hard and grovel...I was in a car accident with my daughter and I just realised life was too short to worry all the time and that I had to live my life and live it for my daughter...He found a job, 65hrs a week! and hes much happier in himself, hes still at his mums, and ive moved to my mums as I wanted the extra help. Were financially better off now, he sees his daughter as much as he can when hes not working or sleeping (he used to sleep for 12-14hrs a night, now he sleeps for 5-7) hes shown he can do what I wanted him to, but we still have a way to go. And although were together now, we dont live together and one day we will, but he hasnt proven for long enough that he can do the job of a father. He can do the boyfriend thing fine...but the ather thing...not quite thier yet. but our daughter dotes on him.

thanks 4 ur replies.................we sat down n spoke n he said he will change n it dont look like he is.......... but ive had about as much as i can take with him, at the moment it looks like im gonna be on my own, but if it makes me happy and my little girl happy then its whats got to be done, he knows he can always see his daughter, but im not willing to carry on this way, i cant not anymore.
really appreciate the replies ladies xxxx

Hi, i go through the same thing but i don't let it get to me often! I talk about it all the time with my partner and he trys to change but he always goes back to himself, so i've given up on him, we do are own thing and he helps when he wants to but main thing i keep myself happy.
I grew up with my mother suffering from severe depression as she had to raise seven of us on her own as my dad was old fashioned and thought it was a womens job. Also she had to live with and serve the in-laws from hell! As we were growing up my mother got worse and was on such heavy medication that she could no longer look after us, then my dad had to step in after all and i had to help as i am the eldest of the seven. As i started to understand i realised why mum was so depressed and it was our goal to love her so much, get everyone to respect her and show her how beautiful life can be.
Now we have all grown up, alot of views have changed, the in-laws have moved out, my dad helps out alot and MY MUMS DEPRESSION HAS GONE!! She is now so amazed and proud that she has given birth to seven children who have all grown up beautifully (has grandchildren) and regrets not being able to play much of a part in it, but we understand her illness and love her anyway.
The point of this story is that we get sad, depressed, angry because of the things happening around us and our surroundings, and if we don't do much to change it, you can miss out on so much more. In life you have to stay positive and do things to make yourself and your family happy.
I'm a full time mum, i do everything for my daughter, at first i was upset her dad didn't help out but now he tries because he can see what he is missing out on, we have a gorgeous clever two year old who already tells him his naughty and she loves me more!lol! I love spending time with my daughter shes growing up so fast. We stay in most of the time and do lots of fun stuff together or just laze around. I can't drive and i hate busses but i still get on the bus and take her out to the park, go shopping, to mackies and her grandparents.
My advise is enjoy what you do as you'll never get that time back, and look for a good rented property also apply to the council for a house(this takes forever), as you can't live in that house if its affecting your childs health. As your not working you would be entitled to housing benefit which would amount to more than half the rent you'll need to pay.
Sorry for ranting on!
Best wishes x

Hi Enaiya,
thank u for your reply,
i have since moved into a better property, the partner does still not help out, its like talking to a brick wall, but i can't make him so as you said im just enjoying being a full time mum, at the end of tbhe day he is the one missing out.
and of course your right, how fast they grow my little girl will be 17 months next week, seems only a few weeks ago i was bringing her home, so in no time she will be all grown up and im sure her dad will regret not playing a bigger part.
i try to do as much for her as you said about the park and stuff, must say though, parks aren't great where i live, i have also started takin her to some toddler groups that are provided where i live.
even if her dad does not want to get involved im going to make sure i try the very best i can for my little girl.
at times i get tired n feel like everything is getting on top of me, but i love my little girl nore then anything, so if i have to egt tired at times, then so be it if her dad doesn;t want to help because one things for sure she will always be able to rely on me.
xx